No really. I do.
I mean, really. I'm very stupid.
My incompetence really angers me at times.
It's all my fault. Everything is all my fault.
It's always been my fault. Everything. From the beginning.
The pain and sadness from the rage and violence...
it was my fault. I shouldn't have acted so stupid.
Saying care less things that provoke the storm.
I never should have done that.
But...as my stupidity goes...
it never ends. I made mistakes again.
I shouldn't have...but I did.
And here I am holding this ice cream to my face,
awkwardly hoping that it won't look awkward. which it does.
A swelling in my eyes and a throb in my chest,
telling me i just want to cry.
But thought in my head that remains distant yet strong and calming...
I don't want to cry anymore.
Not ever again.
I don't want to live like this.
Not ever again.
I don't want to hate myself like this.
Not ever again.
I know what I to do. But how do I get there?
When all i feel is trapped and pressured.
When I just want to run away.
When I wish, all those years ago, I really disappeared.